Monday, 31 December 2012


So, I flirted with the idea of writing a Year-In-Review piece for 2012, and I should've, because 2012 was the best/worst year I've had. All time lows. All time highs. New job. New experiences. A gf. A break-up. An epiphany. Everything you could want in a year. But I'm lazy. SO instead, I'll show you the best posts for each month on this year, on RA!


VIDEO: What Green Goblin was supposed to look like

This post was showed some behind the scenes footage of what the Green Goblin was supposed to look like in the Spiderman movie.


ARTICLE: Different Kind of Loves

My Valentines Article about different kind of Loves

MARCH 2012

TECH TEST: Nokia N8 vs Nikon D5000

A test I done with my N8 versus my D5000 for quality of photos

APRIL 2012

VIDEO: What Happens in Brazilian Malls

A interesting clip of a product demonstration in a Brazilian Mall..

MAY 2012

VIDEO: What models SHOULD be doing

After Jessica Leandra's fuckery in May, I decided to show what models should be doing instead of being racist and silly!

JUNE 2012

VIDEO: Nandos new ad

The Nandos ad that tackled Xenophobia in it's unique, satirical funny way!

JULY 2012

ARTICLE: Bald Ideas

My best article for this year, discussing baldness in guys like me.

Read more articles here: ARTICLES


VIDEO: Model Catwalk Fails!

A compilation of Models failing hard on catwalks around the world!


VIDEO: Tokoloshe on the News

A clip of a bizarre news clip where someone claims to have seen a tokoloshe!


VIDEO: Space Jump

The world was gripped by Felix's Space Jump in October!


VIDEO: Sabc ad banned

Another month, another ANC mishap. The SABC bans an ad before it even airs for making light-hearted fun of Jacob Zuma.


BABE SCOUT: Karla Lopez

If you're an avid fan of RA, you might have noticed the omission of the Babe Scout posts, well, truth is, each month the Babe Scouts were the most popular posts by far, but there were other great posts as well, so I had to show you guys the year in review of all the OTHER posts, above and beyond the Babe Scouts! But this was the latest one, featuring Karla Lopez, you can find the others here: BABE SCOUT

SO yes, that wraps up 2012, a great year for Random Arbjects, this site hit a 100k hits and is now averaging well over 10k hits a month and it's growing! So thanks to you all and a happy 2013 to all of you!


Thursday, 27 December 2012

VIDEO: DBZ Fan Made Trailer

If you watched the hogwash that Hollywood created for a DBZ movie, then you'll agree with me, that there is potential still for a DBZ movie to be made, if made correctly.

This extended trailer was made by some DBZ fans and it shows what could be done with a better understanding of the series.


Wednesday, 26 December 2012

LIFEHACK #4: 100 Ways Of Saying Fuck You

Because it will always come in handy, here's a wonderful infographic on how to say FUCK YOU in 100 languages!! :D


You'll find more Lifehacks here --> LIFEHACKS PAGE 

Monday, 24 December 2012

VIDEO: Christmas Eve Traffic

just a quick video of me, driving home from the full-ass mall, laughing at people in the full traffic going to the mall.

We know that the malls will be full, yet somehow we convince ourselves that not EVERYONE ELSE will also have the need for last minute shoppings!! We humans are cute!

Haven't loaded a vid in ages so enjoy!

Friday, 21 December 2012

VIDEO: Russia Bass

This is video of bass dropping like you've never seen it before!

In Mother Russia, Bass drops you!

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

BABE SCOUT: Karla Lopez

DISCLAIMER: This post might be a tad NSFW, and might contain some dodge material. Don’t ask how I know things, just accept and enjoy!

And now, for a special, new kind of Babe Scout. You know those irritating singles ads you see on social networks like Facebook, Tagged, etc, like those Zoosk ads, and similar ones? Well, shockhorrordisbelief the chicks they use in those are NOT 'real' (regular, non-model) chicks. They are EROTIC models. (Pornstars if you want to be harsh. But many of these chicks just pose naked they don’t do the dirty, there’s a difference.)

Since I changed my relationship status back to single on my facebook about a month back, it’s like my profile has become a hub of Forever Alone-ness with 70% of the ads on FB being a singles ad. Get Russian Girls! Meet a babe in Cape Town! Etc. This irritates the crap out of me, and there’s no way to really switch it off. But I’m digressing hard. I still want to write an article about how Sex and Female hotness will ALWAYS be relevant, but I’ll keep that for later.

One of the women used in these ads is Karla Lopez, or by her model alias, Karla Spice. Yes, she has a name. I’m good with names, when it comes to chicks like these. Helps me to find them later. :P

Caramel goodness

Because there are so many pictures available online, for free, of models like her, they're easily exploitable by hackers and people looking to use forever-alones to get clicks and chumps to sign up to their dating sites that lead to nothing. Don’t fall for their lies! I will show you, in the next few weeks, some of the favourite faces (and bodies) that they use for these things. Karla is one of them!

Playing arcade games = sexy!

I think what makes her so hot is that she looks exotic. She's Venezuelan and this makes her look lekker! She looks like a really hot coloured (for the foreign readers, a coloured is one of the population groups in South Africa, mixed race in other countries, consisting of people with a mixed history of many different cultures, and many different looks!) chick to me, take that, plus the fact that a lot of her photo sets (there are literally hundreds!) have a girl next door/silly and innocent feel to them. She doesn’t even try to be hot in most of these picture sets, but she is.

Arrest me now :P

She's never gone into full on porn (I'm thankful for that, a lot of times that cheapens the model and takes away some of the allure) but there is still lots of stuff to find of her online. So, I’ve got a few more pictures on here, and also a NSFW (that’s NOT. SAFE. FOR. WORK) zip folder with a few of her pics I'll upload LATER, maybe this weekend, but ja, really, just google her name and you’ll find a never ending treasure trove of her pictures. Until then, ENJOY ;) (Click on images for full size)
A trick mirror like the Royal Baking powder tin!

A Gold star for hotness 

Great pair of lungs

B-cup bum, ample portion :P


Come to think of it, my car DOES need a wash..

Flower power baby!

Wifey Material

another hot chick thrown in for good measure

Imagine her surprise when you read the post all the way to the end!
I’ll do a few more of these posts with similar popular softcore models and then hopefully next year I’ll start to go harder (that's more intensely, not more hardcore, lol) in the babe photography I used to do before on RA, coz I know you peeps like that ish and it's pretty fun to do.

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

VIDEO: Rewind YouTube

If you're an avid YouTuber such as myself, you'll love this next video!!

It features all the big players of 2012, those youtubers whose videos went beyond viral and who made a career out of internet video making!!

See how many youtubers you can recognize in this great mash-up clip!!

Monday, 17 December 2012

VIDEO: Golf Club win!

Boredom + lotsa money equals something kwaai usually, and this is the case with this epic golf club! Might actually watch golf if more clubs looked like this!!

Friday, 14 December 2012

VIDEO: Most Interesting Man in the World

I've always seen this meme around the internet, and I've only very recently explored it more. It's HILARIOUS!! OMWOORD, this is a full compilation of all the Dos Equis 'Most Interesting Man in the World' ads. It's so awessssssomeeee!! :)


Wednesday, 12 December 2012


Snoop Dogg/Lion has not been as cool as he used to be for years now already. His music and flow have been lazy. We could blame the weed, but I just think he's been very lazy!

Anyhoo, he features here on the newest Epic Rap Battles Of History video, and this is the BEST I've heard him rap in a long while!! So, enjoy!!

Friday, 7 December 2012

VIDEO: Dubstep Ads

Smosh are sometimes very dry, but every now and then they make some potent videos, this is one of them! Enjoy!

Thursday, 6 December 2012

VIDEO: Cats in tanks

Sometimes not many words are necessary to explain something. Like now. This video is about Cats. In Tanks. Enjoy!

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

VIDEO: Cinnamon Challenge

Every now and then a meme comes along that makes me go OH INTERNET!

And this is one of those memes! It's so crazy. It's a challenge, where you have to eat a spoonful of cinnamon and not cringe/vomit/spit it out and just swallow it. Like so:

:D I canned myself HARD for that one! If you read up about this you'll see the earliest documentation of this challenge online come from 2001 already, but it recently blew up big online. So. Enjoy a few more!!

And to finish off, some nice Slo mo action from these guys!

I would try this at home, but I also don't really want to, so yeah! If I do, y'all will be the first to see it! :)

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

VIDEO: Toilet Paper Gun

Finally! Something to use on people when they're talking shit to you!! It's a toilet paper gun! :D

This vid is a bit long, but go toward the end if you want to skip all the info and background about why this dude invented this thing to the fun part where he blasts his gf with a toilet paper explosion!!

I'll dub it, the KAKPRAAT DEFLECTOR :D

Sunday, 2 December 2012

COMPETITION: Shox Speaker Giveaway

Random Arbjects has been doing very well lately. Very. So I wanna say thanks to you guys.

So I'm giving away this ShoXmaxi speaker from me to you. :) But because I actually bought the speaker and I'm in Cape Town, it's only open for Capetonians. (Future competitions will cater to more of you, promise!)

The winner will be able to do the very Capetonian act of playing their music from their phone inappropriately in a public place! How cool is that!

So here's what you have to do:
  1. Complete the RA Survey: CLICK HERE FOR SURVEY
  2. Be in Cape Town, lol.
  3. Tell us in the comment section of this post what song you'll be inappropriately playing in which public place. We'll use this to identify the winner. Seriously, it's that simple!
So yeah. It's the first time I'm giving something away properly on RA, so let's do this properly!! Share this post and win! :)

Competition ends 14 December 2012.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

VIDEO: Into the Mind Trailer

Random Arbjects has hit 90k hits, it's been the fast 10k jump period ever in the site's history, and I thank all of you guys and ladies for that! So to celebrate this, here is a great trailer shared online by @romywilson_ct and @lukeEdward of this really cool teaser trailer for what seems to be a ski doccie or maybe it's a full feature film, I'm not sure!

But you check it out, it's brilliantly shot with amazing transitions

Into The Mind - Official Teaser from Sherpas Cinema on Vimeo.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012


Boobies, knockers, gazonkas, jugs, whatever you like to call them, breasts are an integral part of everyday.

An understanding them and the illusions they sometimes present is very important.

So I present to you a great lifehack I found online, called BOOBIES 101.

It's not accurate in all it's statements, but it's pretty interesting to read and stuff, enjoy!

You'll find more Lifehacks here --> LIFEHACKS PAGE 

VIDEO: Sabc ad banned

Oh SABC, you so whipped! Whipped by the ANC; 'public' broadcaster my ass!! These stories write themselves really. So the SABC banned this ad BEFORE IT EVEN RAN ON TELE because it depicted the Prez in a bad light. Ey I'm sorry, but if you are banning good satire because you're afraid the corrupt government will pull funding and fire people, you are not necessarily a BAD broadcaster, but you are just a shitty PUBLIC broadcaster! So yeah. Check out the ad below!

Monday, 26 November 2012

VIDEO: 1 man band Guile Theme

You should know by now that I'm a huge Street Fighter fan, and this is clip is a dude playing the Guile theme on multiple instruments. TALENT!!


Wednesday, 21 November 2012

LIFEHACK #2: 3 Minute Brownies

One of my favourite Lifehacks is most definitely this Brownie recipe, I like it because IT WORKS! I tried it, multiple times, and it's delicious!! Enjoy!


You'll find more Lifehacks here --> LIFEHACKS PAGE 

VIDEO: The Best Convo in History

This is a clip from an old 90s film, dubbed 'the best conversation in history', but all it really is, is REALLY REALLY bad acting! Enjoy

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

VIDEO: Hikakin Street Fighter Beatbox

So, every now and then, there's a beatbox fad online, and I stumbled on this dude while checking through Street Fighter stuff, he's pretty cool! Check out him doing Ryu's stage as a beatbox beat.

Also, here's another clip of him, remixing a classic tune

And then finally, one more beat.

This is the sort of thing the net was made for! Enjoy :)

Monday, 19 November 2012

LIFEHACK #1: How To Look Dapper In A Suit

This is my collection of Lifehacks and infographics I've found on the internet, all ways to improve yourself as a human. I can't help but share these.

Lifehack #1: How to look dapper in a suit, shows some great tips on how to look neat.

You'll soon find more Lifehacks here --> LIFEHACKS PAGE

VIDEO: The Day the Earth Stopped Masturbating

One of the funniest clips I've seen in a while! What if masturbating was made illegal?! Watch this hilarious skit video to see how it pans out! Shared via Phr0ggi

Friday, 16 November 2012

VIDEO: Tortoise falling slow

On Fridays I'm the most tired. By far. I will also probably fall over like this bugger!

These two are apparently fighting, but geeeeez, this dude takes an aaage to falllllL!


Thursday, 15 November 2012

VIDEO: Best Cosplay of All Time?

The video claims this to be the best costume of all time. I don't think it's the best! But I think it's very clever!! Check it out :)

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

VIDEO: Eggs in slow motion

To celebrate me finishing my first full year studying again, (I wrote my last exam today), here's lots of eggs being destroyed in slow motion.

Because everything is better in slow motion!!

Thursday, 8 November 2012

VIDEO: How to unblock a toilet

Coz people will always be bored, here's a clip on how to unblock a toilet. You might not wanna watch it if you're eating.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

BABE SCOUT: Antonella Roccuzzo

So, Lionel Messi recently gave birth to his first son, Thiago, and this news totally flooded the social media grapevines, accompanied by the usual comparisons to Cristiano Ronaldo. And then I wondered, hmmmm, so Messi is now a daddy, I wonder who the mommy is; who is so awesome, that she hooks in LEO MESSI as a baby daddy.


I found out that Messi' gf and baby-momma's name is Antonella Roccuzzo, and as it goes with football players, she is drop dead sexy!!

From what I gather on the interwebs, she is a cousin of one of his friends, and is also from his home town, and it shows, coz if you look at this post vs Ronaldo's gf's post, (Irina Shayk, yes, I know, the inevitable Ronaldo comparison once again!) you'll see that she isn't a typical WAG, she's not really a model, and in nearly all her pictures she's relaxed and not so full of make up and things, but that doesn't stop her from being very cute and pretty! Enough talk! Pictures now! Enjoy!

And then here's a lot of pictures of her and Messi. Messi needs a tan. :)

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

VIDEO: Dragon Baby

SO! Today's post is our 500th post on Random Arbjects!! WHOOOHOOOOO!

I was worried I wouldn't find something awesome to share until I trawled FB and found this great video on my buddy Gary's timeline.

It's from the guy that made the very successful Iron Baby video that went viral not too long ago, now he is back with DRAGON BABY! Which uses a cute baby and clever video editing and animation and editing to give a wonderful watch!!


Here's to the next 500 posts!! :)

Monday, 5 November 2012

VIDEO: Crash escape like a boss

So, Random Arbjects hit 80 000 hits today, so to celebrate here's a video of dudes exiting a crash scene like nothing even happened! Take a bow dudes, take a bow!

Friday, 2 November 2012

VIDEO: Omazing Grace

Every now and then a churchy clip comes along that makes you lose your sheet with laughter. This following clip, is such a clip.

It's of a dude, I think, at someones funeral, totally DESECRATING Amazing Grace, like on Ras Dumisani level! Shared to me via @baydu

I think that even made Satan cringe. Have a OMAZING friday peeps!

Thursday, 1 November 2012

VIDEO: Lady scolds bear

You know someone is bad-ass when they can scold at a bear and the bear retreats...like this lady!!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

VIDEO: Epic cow chase

There are some days, recently, that I've felt like doing EXACTLY what this guy is doing. Just run and scream, while escaping a possessed cow.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Monday, 29 October 2012

VIDEO: RC Car chase

Freddie W is one of the world's best YouTubers. He's a vfx specialist that's branched out into full on videos and online series after garnering a very strong online fan base, and this is one of his best clips I've seen so far!

It's a car chase, and looks super bad-ass, but it's actually REMOTE CONTROL cars, so the filming and effects had to be done in a very clever way, and this is what Freddie W does, enjoy!

Friday, 26 October 2012

VIDEO: Muscle Fail 2!

Remember my Muscle Fail article a while back? Wellll, this is in a similar vein! This guy overkills heavy on the 'muscle'

So apparently this dude's muscles were fueled by something called 'synthol', a way of getting 'muscles', when you, in fact, don't have any! Wikipedia had this to say about it:

What thee eff man! This is crazy. Why would anyone want to do this? I'll never understand it. To each his own I guess. I'll rather have a boep than popeye looking muscles imho! :)

Thursday, 25 October 2012


Iron Man, one of the best cartoon/comic strip-to-movie transfers, is back with the third installment of this epic tale.

No words are necessary, so just watch the trailer :)

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

BABE SCOUT: Charlotte Casiraghi

It's been ages since I done a Babe Scout post here at Random Arbjects, but I can tell you that these posts, along with the Babes and Babe Extra posts are the most popular posts on here! SO, without further hesitation, I bring you the next instalment of Babe Scout: Charlotte Casiraghi

Charlotte is a royal beauty from Monaco, the playground of the filthy rich and famous, and is fourth in line to the throne of Monaco. She has a really unique beauty, she looks and has the back story of combat game character, like from Street Fighter, rich royal, that loves riding horses, but still believes in doing her own thing, and is a published journalist. Enjoy the pic collection, click on the images for full size!

 She's not a model, so there aren't many hot pics of her in skimpy clothing (BOOOO!), but recently she signed a deal with Gucci, so there are some nice pimped up pics of her posing with horses, yes horses, and also at the Gucci launch thing. Enjoy!

How cool is the dude that can get this girl as his girlfriend. Dating a Princess. That's some Disney stuff right there :) Hope you peeps enjoyed the post :)

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

VIDEO: Mad Sword Skills

This dude has a serious vendetta to take out against water bottles. SO much so he has this compilation video of him SLASHING the living daylights out them with some skill and his trusty sword. This dude will survive the zombie apocalypse for sure!

Monday, 22 October 2012

VIDEO: Guile Style (Gangnam Style Mashup)

Everything goes with Guile theme (which happens to be my ringtone on my phone for super long now, I LOVE Street Fighter II :D ) and it would seem so, with this Gangnam Style mashup!

It's actually funny, the Gangnam Style video I've not posted on Random Arbjects yet, because when it initially broke out and became viral, I was not on the internet scene so hard, so this is the first time I actually post something of it, and I'm a big fan of the song, it's so catchy!

Saturday, 20 October 2012

VIDEO: Hop Suitcase

For those folks that travel a lot, would you use a suitcase like this?!

I think it's a cool idea, not THAT practical, but cool nevertheless :)

Friday, 19 October 2012

VIDEO: Friday duik!!

I don't know how I'm finding dive-fail videos every Friday, but I am! @capetown_bru, you are an inspiration to us all!


Thursday, 18 October 2012

VIDEO: MySpace relaunch

We all know the big social media players, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, Pinterest, etc, but do you remember MYSPACE?!

They've been rebuilding ever since Justin Timberlake bought over myspace, and it is nearly ready, here's the preview video for the NEW MYSPACE! Will they have any sort of effect on the current social media top dogs?! Who knows, but they actually still have a large base of people using it...so we shall see..

The new Myspace from Myspace on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

VIDEO: Bum tricks

Sooo, didn't post something yesterday, but to make up for business, I give you something cool, something that requires great skill and guile, something you'll truly enjoy!

Yes, that was a woman flipping a cup with her butt, I'm a fan ;)

Monday, 15 October 2012

VIDEO: Space Jump

Felix Baumgartner is the main man right now. His 38.6km live jump is not only a stunning feat for human kind, it's a stunning feat for branding and social media!

At it's peak of excitement, nearly 7.3 million viewers were watching the event. The picture Red Bull posted after he landed safely, it took just 40 minutes for the picture to be shared more than 29,000 times and it generated nearly 216,000 likes and more than 10,000 comments. (Source)

Below is the video of the marvel, so watch it and feel inspired to do something great!

Friday, 12 October 2012

VIDEO: Slip n slide fail

I don't know, but I really dig @capetown_bru's saying: IS VRYDAG! KOM ONS VOKKEN DUIK!!

So here's another video of someone duiking irresponsibly and getting hurt!!


*Translation for non-SA visitors: It's Friday! Let's fuckin dive! :D

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

VIDEO: Enriched Ad awesomeness

This is something really cool.

Advertising is changing. With very innovative, clever ideas emerging to market things.

Enriched media has been growing exponentially recently, and of all the enriched ads that use iPads and technology like Aurasma, this ad demo is by far the most awesome!! Check it out!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

VIDEO: Coke Zero plus Mentos

Have you heard about the Coke Zero and Mentos trick? Of course you have.

This is an old vid of me trying the trick out :D

and then some dudes who attempted it on a far grander scale :D


Monday, 8 October 2012

VIDEO: Weird Face Baby

WHen you wake up on a Monday after a good weekend, one does sometimes feel like this baby :)


Friday, 5 October 2012

VIDEO: Trancey Dancey

So...it's Rocking the Daisies this weekend, personally, I've never been there before, but I've experienced it vicariously through the tales people share of it

And I imagine it will end up looking something like this next video :) Enjoy and have a good weekend!

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

VIDEO: Best Drummer Ever

Drummers are like the goalkeepers of bands, they are a special breed. Most of them go about their business quietly though, but some, like this guy, always go HARD!!

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

VIDEO: Nandos' 25 Reasons

Once again, Nandos' advertising has hit a homerun with their ad campaigns. This one is for their 25th birthday, and the three ads released so far are so funny! As a South African, you can immediately relate to the topics they satirically poke fun at :) Enjoy!

Saturday, 29 September 2012

VIDEO: Old Spice Bed

You guys know how much I love Old Spice's ads, like a lot a lot.

This one is one of their better ones in a while. Clever, and as always, well executed!

Friday, 28 September 2012

Thursday, 20 September 2012

VIDEO: Kittens and Dubstep

This is the internet. So keeping this in mind, I give you some kittens being thrown in the air to Dubstep music in slow mo. Enjoy :)

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

VIDEO: Cool Hyundai presentation

This is one of the coolest things I've seen online in a while, although, I've not been online (for leisure purposes, not work!) a lot these days, but ja, I digress.

THis is a Hyundai presentation using these interactive cube things to display images. You can't get much from my description, so just watch the video to be wowed :)

Thursday, 13 September 2012

VIDEO: Drunk Driver gets Punched up

Oh Mother Russia, how we love you so! This is a video of a guy, who is extremely drunk, driving a BULLDOZER through a parking lot, crashing into cars. He then get's beat up by pedestrians. Only in Russia

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

VIDEO: Tokoloshe on the News

So, this is a video of a Tokoloshe, on the news, that was caught 'right-handed' (red-handed) by this brave young man. It is worth many a lol!

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

TRAILER: Cloud Atlas

The Wachowskis(no longer the Wachowski Brothers, because the one brother had a sex-change and is now Lana, lol) are at it again. They have adapted the best-selling novel Cloud Atlas into an epic film to be released in October this year. I, as a HUGE The Matrix fan, cannot wait for it! It looks crazy intense and mind-fucky!!

Monday, 10 September 2012

VIDEO: Busta Fish

People like complaining on Mondays. So to make you laugh, I found a video of a fish rapping Busta Rhymes. Because Internet

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

VIDEO: Game of Bones


I haven't spontaneously laughed like this in ages!!

I was on the floor with the first few barks! It's the Game of Thrones theme barked by this little bugger. Enjoy!

Monday, 3 September 2012

VIDEO: Monday shot to the nuts

Are you complaining about Monday? Did this happen to you? Ok, now enjoy your day! :)

Friday, 31 August 2012


SOOOOOOO, today is my bday. And I've not been posting on RA a lot, like at all recently. Work's been really hectic, and at home I don't have decent internet. But I plan to make up for that today. A mega post! With some videos I've been meaning to share for a while :) Enjoy!!

A person falling him in his glory in a hole he doesn't see? Ok!

A parody of a crazy Japanese ad with phallic objects? I think so!

A dude riding a bicycle the size of toy? Why, if you insist!

A dude playing the Mario theme, backwards, on a piano? But of course!

A bro moonwalking on rollerblades through a city centre? For sure!

So I hope you enjoyed my mega bday post. :) I apologize for not posting as much, but I've still got big plans for RA, so keep your eyes peeled and your mouse clicking :)

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

SHORT STORY: #5 The Sleeper

I know some of you enjoy my writing, so I'll share some more with you. Over the next few weeks I'll share with you some of my Short Stories I've written over the past few months/years. There's a special format I followed to write them. I take many random photos with my phone. Since I had my N70 all those years ago, and I've built up quite an extensive collection of random pics over the years. I'd take one of these pictures, and JUST START WRITING about it, what, in my mind, I thought could have been the scenario, what led to, and what happened before/after that picture was taken, what caused that moment in time to happen! Freestyling, if you will, with short story writing. The stuff I come up with = RANDOM. So, for the next few weeks, I'll make Tuesday; Short Story day :) ENJOY!

 #4: The Sleeper

This is a culmination of his risks.

A resultant of his choices.

The outcome of his failures as a man.

Society doesn't know he exists.

It doesn't care.

If he dies tomorrow, no-one will know.

His family thinks he's dead.

But better that than bring them down with him.

He once was a soldier. But now he lies forlorn.

They might think he's gone, a memory, but him lying there, serves a greater purpose.


But what society doesn't know, is that while they sleep, this man walks. While they slumber, he is doing things to save their lives. When they are at their most vulnerable, he is at his strongest. The very same people that look down on him daily, that snicker as they walk past his dirty body, semi-clothed body, lying almost lifeless on the streets.

What they don't know won't hurt them though. If they knew his purpose, what he done every night, he'd be hallowed as a hero. Treated like a king among men. Elevated to the status of legend of our time.

This man is part of a brotherhood of men, so secret, that they have no choice but to live as vagrants during the day. Their purpose is to protect the goodwill and protection of the human race in each country. They don't report back or answer to any government or police agency, as this would be against their code of conduct. You see, each country is run not by who you see, not by those you think you've voted for. It's not controlled or regulated by laws you think have been constitutionalized, not by police agencies enforcing justice, but by satin and silk suits in the shadows.

The suits control everything you see. Everything you hear. Everything you eat. Everything you touch. Everything you smell. You might think you own things, but it is actually your brain that is owned.

That's exactly where Garland was on his way to, so named, because of his garland-like scarf that he always wears. As the night fell, and midnight came, he arose from his slumber, and went to one of the pot plants in the city centre, those big ones, put there to beautify the CBD.

He was summoned to a new mission via his communication device on his arm, cleverly disguised as a cheap-looking arm band that he wears where he lies.

He knelt down and dusted off the bottom of the plant's ceramic pot, then gave the freshly dusted part a gentle blow, and it opened up. The whole bottom part of the pot slid out, it was a hydraulic drawer that could only be opened by his breath. That was his password to open it up. In so doing only he could open it up, because the drawer accessed his DNA make-up in his breath with specially developed Vagrant technology.

He pulled out a futuristic-looking suitcase, and underneath it was his helmet and hooded cloak, which he also took out. He took off the clothes he was wearing and put them in  the drawer. He opened up the suitcase and it was full of all sorts of gadgets and things. From it he pulled out a container with pills in it. He opened it and took out one octagonal orange pill and swallowed it. He almost instantaneously froze, then, an icy grip took hold of his entire body, creating a layer of ice, starting from his stomach, spreading to all the points of his body. After 5 seconds, he was totally frozen.

And then the ice broke!

From the shattered ice he emerged rejuvenated and fresh. You see, to keep up the vagrant appearance, he has to not cleanse himself for many days, and live in abject squalour and filth. It is all to sell the pretence that they are not what they are. So what this EndoCleanser pill does is freeze the inside of the body momentarily, which in turn freezes the outside as well, but the pill's effects are two fold, because as soon as the body is fully frozen it releases a heat pang which unfreezes the whole body immediately, thus cleansing the body of all bacteria. It's a well-known fact that body odour is caused by bacteria, and thus the freezing kills that bacteria, which means Garland never has to bathe in a traditional way, you see, there's no time to be wasted on bathing or wasting time on grooming in this vocation. Time is very valuable. He only has a maximum of 4 hours to do a mission on any given time.

He put his helmet on, and initialized the user interface inside it. The Vagrants were very, very well advanced with technology. They had to be, for the forces they fight against are quite far ahead of conventional technology.

With the interface initialized in the heads-up-display, he commanded:

  'Body-armour, online.'

And with that, out of the rim of the helmet, came thick black fluid, slowly moving down his entire body, bonding onto his skin. This was his body-armour being formed. It spread to all the parts of his body, and within 10 seconds, it had fully clothed him.

This armour was made of mix of carbon-fibre and bullet-proof plastic and allowed him freedom of movement but protection of his whole body. It used the electronic currents that run through the body and it amplifies it, making a single punch from a Vagrant as powerful as being shocked by a 1 000 000 volts. It was against the Vagrants code to shoot and kill innocent people, so they only depended on non-lethal weapons during their missions, as their missions were never about killing people or leaders of the suits, but in fact to stop them from killing thousands of people through stealth mass-killing.

He walked opposite the street, to where an old, dilapidated car was standing, he grasped the handle of the driver's door and commanded;

  'Vehicle, online.'

The car's doors and body parts broke into tiny plates that rotated and moved around until it was a black car, sleek, clean, but not out of place on the city streets. Inconspicuousness was key. He got inside and simply said,

  'Initiate drive sequence'

and he was on his way. There was no need to physically drive the car, because as he opened up the car, the mission data was automatically placed into the cars computer.

He was on his way to a bread factory.

His mission was simple. He had received information that The Suits were poisoning bread with just the right amount of poison that it couldn't be traceable.

You see, bread was the staple food in this land, and The Suits have figured out that, if they wanted to kill off the population, then they could do so without anyone noticing,

Garland was onto it and soon arrived at the bread factory.

Everything was quiet and locked down at the factory. Except for one little light on an upper floor of the factory. Garland breezed past the boom security-guard, who was fast asleep. Aren't they always? But why would a bread factory even have a security-guard in the first place? Maybe there was some theft of their machines or vehicles or, maybe something else was going down.

Garland quickly made his way across the parking and loading area of the factory, and he put his hands on the big door of the factory in front of him. He attempted to shock it open, it didn't want to work. He could just punch the entire door down, but stealth was key. No-one had to know he was there.

He climbed up on a gutter onto the first floor. He then walked across and launched himself onto a window sill, from there he scaled the wall onto a balcony. This was where the upper echelons of the company would hang out during their downtime. He was close to where he saw the light.

He took his case off his back, and took out what looked like a little dome. It was a drone camera, shaped like a little hemispere. It was minute, About the size of a thumbnail. He switched it on, and sent it through the air vent that was above him, and it started to buzz its way to the room where he saw the light. He was guiding it through his helmet and was seeing what it was seeing in his HUD.

The drone got to the room, and went through the keyhole to enter. It slowly flew through the room, scanning for information and any form of life.

There were voices emanating from one corner of the room, but there was nothing there. Just a blank wall.

Garland initiated the drone to do an infra-red-x-ray scan to see through the walls, and there it was, a secret room, with two people in it. From what his drone saw, it was a male and a female, in their mid-40s approximately. He positioned the drone on wall to try to hear what they're saying, and so that he could record it.

This is what it heard;

  '...this why I hired you, Gerero. Is everything in place?' said the female, a stocky-built, imposing woman, business suit, hair tied back, face like a truck had rammed into her face first.

  'Yes it is, Ms Wainterburn, everything is in place.' said the man, a pony-tailed, scrawny figure in what looked like a khaki uniform of some sort.

  'When does the ergotoxicosis start?'

  'It starts in exactly,' he takes a glance at his sports-like watch, wiping off the display, 'in eleven minutes time Ma'm'

  'Great stuff, are you sure no-one knows you're here?'

  'If they did, they'd be dead. I know how important this is.'

  'Stunning. Don't forget to take ALL the documents with you, leave nothing to chance, no-one must find out, understand.'

  'I understand.'

By this time Garland had realized that the drone had done his job, he'd have to go in himself now. He was halfway to where the room was, when he stumbled a bit, knocking over a bin.

Wainterburn and Gerero heard this. Garland moved faster. He had them recorded already via the drone, but he needed to apprehend them as well, and fast.

  'What was that?' asked an agitated Wainterburn, 'I thought you said no-one else was here!'

  'Only the security-guard is here, and he's always sleeping, see for yourself,' he says, pointing to the surveillance cameras behind her. 'Maybe it was just something that fell over, I dunno.'

  'Fine, but we're done here. Here's the last of the azithromycin,' she said, handing him a small case with viles in it, 'it should complete the dosage needed for the fungus to work its magic'

  'Awesome. No-one will see this coming.' Gerero smiled.

As they were packing up, Garland was just arriving outside the room where they were in. There was no way to get in. He took his case off his back, and took out what looked like four plastic tacks. They were shock-tacks. There was another way he could get into the room. He could simply place himself against the wall and explode it out with his electric energy, but, that would cause such a huge explosion and whole in the wall, and debris, and that would not be stealthy.

He put the tacks into the wall in the shape of a door. Two at the top, two at the bottom. He initiated the shock-tacks via his HUD, and slowly the tacks drew red lighted lines to each tack, connecting lines. The lines gave one big pulse and a doorway was perfectly cut. Stealth achieved. But not really. Garland couldn't even bring down the wall when Gerero pulled out a gun and started shooting. Garland dodged the falling piece of cement that was shock-tack-ed out of the wall as it thudded to the floor after being riddled with bullets.

Garland quickly hid behind the wall next to the opening, and as soon as Gerero's gun slowly protruded out the whole in the wall, he knocked the gun out his hand and tied his hands with a cable-tie behind his head, this way, he couldn't reach for anything. Wainterburn was hesitant, she didn't know if she should call someone for help, or try to get her weapon from her handbag, because it still had to be assembled, a business lady can't have big guns in her bag!

But it was too late. Garland had made his way to her. Her phone fell as she fumbled, and then she tried to smack Garland, but this is what he wanted, he blocked her, grabbed her arms, and tied it behind her head, just like he'd done with Gerero. Safe, clean, no-one gets hurt.

  'Who are you! And what do you want!' screamed Gerero from outside the room

  'Who I am doesn't matter,' said Garland sombrely, as he took the drone and copied the data onto his tiny computer that was in his case. 'All that matters is that I stop what you're planning, before more people are killed.'

  'What are you talking about?' said Wainterburn, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

  'You know exactly what I'm talking about. You work for The Suits, and I'm stopping your operation'

Her smug look transformed instantly to a more sinister one.

  'You were planning to poison all the bread in this factory, like you've been doing for many months, by adding more azithromycin to the bread formula, thus causing Ergotism to occur after people consume the bread, because although the fungi exists in a lot of bread that causes this condition, the potentiator you've been adding, causes it to interact in a way that's harmful to humans when ingested, causing spasms, diarrhea, paresthesias, itching, headaches, nausea, vomiting and in some cases even gangrene.

You're trying to kill off ordinary human beings, and it has to stop. And it will stop. Tonight.'

Wainterburn's face was consumed with irritation now, and she aptly showed it,

  'Who do you think you are, trying to stop us?! You'll never succeed,' she yelled, 'no-one will believe you.'

  'They will believe. The evidence has already been sent to everyone that needs to see it, and I will destroy all the samples of azithromycin you have, except for the one you're going to be caught with.'

  'You do know The Suits will get you, right?'

  'The Suits may be good at hiding themselves, but as long as they hide and plan the downfall of ordinary citizens, the more we'll find your sinister plans and dismantle them.'

  She then spat on his helmet, which his visor automatically wiped off with a flash of red light across the helmet.

  'Enjoy prison, Ms Wainterburn, send my regards to your other cronies I've put away.'

  'The Suits will get you!' She yelled as he walked out, on his way to destroy the rest of the azithromycin.

  'What will happen to us now, Ms Wainterburn?' Asked Gerero

  'We'll most probably be dead by morning.' she answered with resignation in her voice. 'We knew the risks of doing what we've done, so now we'll have to take the bullet so The Suits can fulfil their vision.

  'What about my family?' He asked.

  'If you live, they die. If you really care for them, you know that dying is the only way to keep them safe.'


Garland dismantled the machine that was feeding azithromycin into the bread formula. And sent his mission notes and footage through to other vagrants in the cities where the other bread factories are, as they have to conduct the same operation, there were three more factories, but that was their mission to fulfil. For now, the lives he saved are well over the millions. And they'll never even know about it.

As predicted by Wainterburn, they were taken away before anyone could notice they were gone, by The Suits' cronies. As important as secrecy is to The Vagrants, it is the same for The Suits as well. No-one could get whiff of what had happened here. They sealed off the room that had a whole made in it by Garland, and as for Wainterburn and Gerero, they were dispatched before sunrise and were disposed of quietly and cleanly, never to be seen again.

Secrecy is a dangerous game to play. But those who play it know the risks. And accept it when it goes wrong.

Garland is one of those people who play in this shadow game of secrets.

You might have seen people like him before. You might have snickered at people like them lying in the depths of despair in the streets of destitution. But you would never be half the men or women that they are.

Garland returned to his pot-plant with his car, as he locked the door, the cars panels broke into tiny pieces once more, this time returning to its less glamorous form, which no-one would ever bother looking into.

He opened the secret compartment of the pot, took out his Vagrant clothes. Took off his case, and initiated the de-armouring sequence, after which the armour retracted back into the helmet. He put it all back in the compartment, and locked it away, never to be touched again until the next mission. He put on his clothes, and sauntered back to his spot where he would spend the next few days until he was summoned once more to save lives.

His job was done. He had fulfilled this mission. He knelt down slowly, onto a familiar spot. And as he got into his lying down position, he recited the Vagrant Agent Code:

  'This is a culmination of my risks.

A resultant of my choices.

The outcome of my failures as a man.

Society doesn't know I exist.

It doesn't care.

If I die tomorrow, no-one will know.

My family thinks I'm dead.

But better that than bring them down with me.

I once was a soldier. But now I lie forlorn.

They might think I'm gone, a memory, but me lying here, serves a greater purpose.'


Next time you see a vagrant, don't be so quick to judge. You don't know what they do, what they've done, and what they've gone through..

This photo was taken at 13:18 on the 15th of December 2010. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, this one spoke 3041 words.

© Spenelo 2012 

 Look out for the next story, coming next Tuesday and find all the stories here>> SHORT STORIES

Monday, 27 August 2012

VIDEO: Dog flip

Monday's are notoriously hectic, even for chilled individuals such as myself, so I think you need to watch this video, just to chill :) It's a dog. Running after a big-ass ball. Falling and flipping. Sure to brighten up your Monday

Thursday, 23 August 2012

VIDEO: Model Catwalk Fails!

Soooo, I think models are funny. They are all serious and stuff and all they really just do is pose, and walk. I know there's more too it, but let's be honest, it's not ROCKET SCIENCE. :)

Anywayyyyy, this is video of Ramp Models FAILING HARD at doing the the one thing they have to do. WALK! Yes, they're wearing ridiculous outfits and crazy heels, but still! I was snorting with laughter!! :D This was shared to me via Ameera, from Twitter :)

Monday, 20 August 2012

VIDEO: Ghost Tits

I'm not the biggest fan of boobs, not saying I don't like em, just don't worship them like some bros do. But this is a very clever mock-trailer for a film of a horrific occurrence for every boob fan out there, mysteriously disappearing boobies! You'll giggle