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Tuesday, 31 July 2012

SHORT STORY: #2 The Wall

I know some of you enjoy my writing, so I'll share some more with you.

Over the next few weeks I'll share with you some of my Short Stories I've written over the past few months/years. There's a special format I followed to write them. I take many random photos with my phone. Since I had my N70 all those years ago, and I've built up quite an extensive collection of random pics over the years. I'd take one of these pictures, and JUST START WRITING about it, what, in my mind, I thought could have been the scenario, what led to, and what happened before/after that picture was taken, what caused that moment in time to happen! Freestyling, if you will, with short story writing. The stuff I come up with = RANDOM.

So, for the next few weeks, I'll make Tuesday; Short Story day :) ENJOY!


#2: The Wall



 To the unknowing observer, this must have been a truly arcane sight. The authorities have a vague suspicion, but only those who were part of it know the happenings of the night before, the audacious swoop, the astuteness of the preparation, the shrewdness of their escape, a clandestine operation, but the damage dealt not so surreptitious though. . .



It’s 3am and we were on schedule, just a few kilometers away from the Medical Research Council. We knew they would still be there. But they didn’t know that we knew about them. We’ve been watching them. Dr Alberts and Prof MacIntyre were developing something. Working tirelessly, day in, day out, sleepless night after sleepless night, living like zombies, all in the name of good. They were making something unobtrusive. Something noble. That would revolutionize the way man existed. We could NOT have that. They had to be stopped. This discovery they’ve made could, and probably will, change the world forever.



What they’ve done is create the world’s strongest adhesive. And when I say adhesive, I don't mean super glue. No. Just a drop could keep a half ton of metal, two pieces, attached to one another, infinitely. This adhesive is yet to fail in the tests and trials that they have done. It will make construction of anything substantially cheaper, from appliances, to cars to houses to massive skyscrapers, all these productions costs would be slashed to prices that seem infinitesimal to what they are now. And we won’t have that. WE want that power. Unlike most organizations, our mandate is not just to steal or fraud or petty things like that. We want control. Absolute. Control. Control is money. And money is power. With this herculean adhesive and the recipe to make it in our grasp, we will start to gain control by taking over property development, construction, power-generation, until everything uses our adhesive, and when that happens, we ask for tax on it, and then we will take over. . .anyone who would denounce our movement, would be ended.

It's 03:26, there was security abound at the main entrance, 5 armed guards, in suits, but with kevlar vests hidden beneath them. Cameras hidden in every nook and cranny in every shape and size. Electric fences, all over, with enough power to electrocute a pack of elephants into cinder. So we had to make alternative arrangements. We drove past the entrance about 500 meters down. We could use a helicopter, but where’s the stealth in that? We lined up a ramp so that the thick pavement can’t dent our pre-prepared Hummer, or impede it’s path, or break it’s speed. We placed an old mattress on the wall, to smother the impact, to silence it, and to make it easier for our 3 ton, fully-titanium, imperishable beast. De Jong was behind the wheel. 20 years of in-field training would suffice for this feat. So what, he just needs to ram his hummer into a wall? That’s easy!

No.

It’s not.

He only has a short, tricky run-up, and a minimal amount of nitrous-oxide that needs to be released at just the right time, he needs to turn sharply, from the main road into the ramp and slap bang into and through the wall, without ruining the electric fencing above it, otherwise the alarm would go off, all this, while bearing the knowledge that his baby son is in the hospital with hand, foot, and mouth disease and his daughter is 3 months pregnant with a girl who will be named after his deceased wife, Petro, who commited suicide after finding out about his secret life of lies and other women. The deceit had caught up with him in the most unfortunate of ways, but what could he do, this was his job, no, this was more than a job, it was destiny. But all that was of no relevance for him now. All that mattered was the task that lay ahead. He had to break this wall. Cleanly.

In less than five seconds of precise driving acumen, De Jong rammed into the wall after a wicked turn, adorned by the glittering colours of the Nos smoke, hit the mattress and flat-out pulverized the wall, leaving the way for the speedsters to do their thing.

The speedsters were super athletes, chemically-enhanced so that their physical fitness, speed and  endurance surpasses any other regular human being. Scouted straight out of school and trained in the ways of stealth espionage, these animal like creatures have the agility, speed and reflexes of cheetahs, but unlike cheetahs, can keep running, and running, and running...

They now had exactly 5 minutes to run across a one kilometer long stretch of lush field to get to the laboratory. All they needed to do was steal the formula for the adhesive. And one sample. That’s it.

Or was it?

In the Hummer, there was a security breach. An entourage of cars was making their way towards our position. One or two cars would be understandable. 3:30 on a Monday night? Could be raucous, rancid youth, returning home from shit-faced Mondays, but these were 6 cars. They were CSAs Crocodile Skull Agents. . .

The Crocodile Skull were the most secret of South African intelligence organizations, unbeknownst to nearly everybody everywhere, not the police, not the government, not even the South African Secret Service knows about them. They are at the forefront of protecting the country against everything malignant and evil, some in our organization even claim that they've stumbled upon intelligence that they're working on cures for killer diseases, that are years ahead of global research.

CSA were on to us. Turns out that the good doctors were part of Crocodile Skull Agency. Chris Petersen ratted us out. Matter fact, he was working for them the whole time. He infiltrated the ranks of our organization, ingratiated himself with the relevant leaders, for a whole six months, and tonight, just as we were about to launch our offensive, the culmination of many months of research, he tried to collapse it, he tried to stop us from realizing our vision. . .

He was duly shot in the back of the head. Murdered in cold blood. But in this organization risks have to be taken to keep what we are doing secret. And to be exposed now would be a monumental obstruction.

Petersen had left us a farewell gift. He had a nano-chip in his watch. If his pulse stopped, CSA would immediately be notified on his positional co-ordinates, also where all his belongings were. Our bullet-proof vests were his creations; we thought he was the best thing since rum and coke. We were incorrect. They now knew where all of us were.

Now with a revised deadline of 3 minutes our speedsters had their work cut out for them. They were still trying to hack into the alarm system of the laboratory when they heard about our updated mission status. But Donald and Williams were masters at what they do. They deciphered the code of the alarm and that of the safe, housing the samples and the formula, rather quickly, immobilizing the good doctors with some long-distance tazer action.

Our back-up cars had to leave to make the scene less conspicuous, the Hummer as well, leaving only the turbo-charged Corsa. A clever ploy to mask our intentions. A souped up Corsa is common-place at drags and could pass as those spoiled, impish youths wasting away their parents’ hard-earned money on car-parts, body-kits and sound systems.

As the CSAs arrive our Corsa leaves the scene, bulleting out of that hole in the wall like an infant Chuck Norris round-house kicking his way out of his mother’s womb and sped off into the suburbs to hide away in our well hidden, civilian-like espionage house, where we analyzed our efforts for the night in the underground HQ.

Chris might have thought he had 1-upped us, by siphoning all our data onto his watch up and till the last moment of his life, and now that they knew he was dead, they uploaded the data he collected to their systems for analysis of all our operations, projects and members. But. Unfortunately. This company trusted no-one. Any data or applications from our systems and archives are programmed to automatically evolve into a malicious Trojan virus when it finds itself on any operating system other than ours, then it multiplies into every folder on their system, and creates an .exe file that, when opened, closes all other windows and fills the screen with our majestic, regal trademark: bubbles. Thousands of bubbles. That have to be popped until any other operation can be performed.

This usually fries the CPU and crashes the hard drive irrevocably, triggering a sequence of reactions inside the computer's box, causing it to explode.

The next time you see a bubble, you will remember it’s power, and our organization, the Bubble Squad.

This photo was taken at 06:34 on the 19th of November 2008. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, this one spoke 1490 words.



© Spenelo 2012

Look out for the next story, coming next Tuesday :)

Monday, 30 July 2012

ORIGINAL RA COMIC #004: China's Bitch

China is slowly buying South Africa. So many products are being shipped in from China, taking away SA jobs. And it's not only 'cheap' brands who are buying into these products, many well known SA franchises are sporting china products and most of us haven't even noticed. Turn over nearly any label for shoes/clothes/accessories, and you'll see 'Made in China', we might as well get everything from China town coz everything is from China anyway! I've got no qualms with the Chinese, and it's extremely evident that they are very good business men (as are many other foreign nationals), it just pains me to see so few South Africans showing the same drive and initiative.

I read somewhere that it's far cheaper to just import things from China instead of getting it made in South Africa, and this is why so many factories have been shut down, taking away jobs, leaving more people without income, which obviously leads to more poverty. This is sad because our people are now suffering because of this. So. I know there's a lot more happening in secret that we don't know about, but for now it seems that South Africa and its government is...


Click on the image for full size.


Friday, 27 July 2012

VIDEO: In Soviet Russia, Dog Rides Horse

So, we know Russia is stereotyped as the land of WTF, and I'm not entirely sure if this video is indeed from Russia, but it's worth many lulz! Just watch and enjoy the wtf!


Wednesday, 25 July 2012

VIDEO: Takeo Ischi - Yodel Meister

Every now and then a song comes along on the internet that is SUPER irritating but SUPER catchy simultaneously, this is such a song. It's a Japanese dude singing in German and yodeling!! Takeo Ischi's his name, being catchy is his game.

YODELEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEE-HEEEEEEE! :D

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

SHORT STORY: #1 The Vagrant

I know some of you enjoy my writing, so I'll share some more with you. 


Over the next few weeks I'll share with you some of my Short Stories I've written over the past few months/years. There's a special format I followed to write them. I take many random photos with my phone. Since I had my N70 all those years ago, and I've built up quite an extensive collection of random pics over the years. I'd take one of these pictures, and JUST START WRITING about it, what, in my mind, I thought could have been the scenario, what led to, and what happened before/after that picture was taken, what caused that moment in time to happen! Freestyling, if you will, with short story writing. The stuff I come up with = RANDOM. 


So, for the next few weeks, I'll make Tuesday; Short Story day :) ENJOY!

#1: The Vagrant


  ‘Once I had a family. I had a job. I had hobbies. I had friends. I had a dog. I had a life.

But, you know, our plans don’t always follow the path we’ve envisioned for our lives.

We could be living in bliss, not aware of what sinister things lie ahead, not knowing that although there are good forces in this world, there are also bad, plotting the downfall of anything decent, moral, clean.’

  ‘Is that so?’

  ‘Ja. I worked as a clerk for a bank.’
 
  ‘Which one?’

  ‘Does it matter? What matters is, I was working there for over 20 years. Worked my way up from security guard in the old regime, and from there to a fairly decent position. I had a beautiful wife, Marieke, she was so pretty. She was a textbook housewife. Cooked, cleaned, raised my two gorgeous daughters with enough strictness, but not neglecting to love them unconditionally.

  I worked tirelessly to give them the best that money could buy, to make sure they succeeded in life, even if it meant me not getting the things I wanted to, I enjoyed it, because seeing them happy, was the greatest joy I could experience.

  Then one day, one stupid day, one act of brainless folly, one prank that went too far, my life was transformed forever.

  I opened up an email, not knowing the address of the sender, but still curious to see what it contains. I promise you as I clicked that open button, my director stood behind me. The contents of that mail was shocking. It was an image of a Lolita, you know what that is?’
 
  ‘I happen to know what that is yes, peado porn, you sicko.’

  ‘NO!, It wasn’t mine, and because the sender had a random address, I didn’t know who it was from. It was hideous. I was so appalled by this image of this tiny girl being impaled by this grown man, I sat there in consternation for a very long second, then I turned to my boss, and told him; I don’t know who this mail is from.

  ‘Did he believe you?’

  ‘He suspended me for a week. Sent me home, told me to ‘think about what I’ve done’, like I was some kind of child. I was livid, I had done nothing wrong!

A few days after that, ‘they’, ‘found’ more lewd images on my work drive, which is rather impossible to believe, seeing that I only had Excel and Word documents on that thing, no music, no nothing!

Rumour hit the streets that I had raised my girls as a molesting father, mentioning me doing the most revolting things to them, this was supposedly the reason they were so loose, but I promise you I never laid a finger – or anything else – on them, never! Only to hug them when they need to be consoled, tuck them in when they’re cold’

  ‘I get it, I get it, but you really should hurry up with this story, my lunch break is nearly done, and here I’m sitting talking to a bergie instead of buying me lunch.’

  ‘Okay, okay. After the rumours done the rounds in the neighbourhood, people started talking, looking at me differently. But my wife and kids knew me, and supported me every step of the way.

   On the last day of my ‘probation’ I was doing some cycling around the streets of my town, when out of the blue this huge black van plummeted down a hilly street, and bulldozed me right off my bike and crashing onto the tarred road. I remember blood streaming down my forehead. But that was all. I woke up here in Cape Town, so many kilometres away from Bloemfontein, where I lived.

  I then found out that nothing in this world is an accident, or just happens by chance. Well, in my scenario anyway. I also learned that the worst pain one can suffer is the pain inflicted by the one you love.

  My accident was no accident. It was a take down, a hit. The order for it was given by the same people that sent me that e-mail, that spread the rumours. It was my boss. And MY WIFE. I heard from the only person I know here in Cape Town, my cousin, that they planned to kill me. They were having an affair for many years, keeping in the shadows for such a long time, while I wasted every moment of my worthless life, selflessly working for her and my kids. They found out about my investments overseas, scratched in my stuff, seeing that I was doing pretty well there numbers wise. They couldn’t resist. The power of greed, the love of power, corrupted the woman I once thought I wanted to spend the rest of forever with. They failed to kill me. That’s how I ended up here though. They drugged me up with sedatives, and when I woke up, I woke up in this very spot.

  ‘Cool story bro.’

  ‘Don’t patronize me, just because I’m not that clean, or that have no where to sleep, or smell like a packet of rotten alcohol dipped, diced onions sprinkled with a dash of paprika, doesn’t give you the right to look down on me.’

  ‘I said nothing offensive to you now.’

  ‘I see that look in your face, I see it when I try to go to any church. You Christians claim to be doing good deeds and be God’s children, but the minute someone lesser fortunate, or less neater, or less fragrant steps into your church, you pull your nose up, looking at us condescendingly, praying that I don’t touch you, or invade your precious Sunday-morning-Jesus-bubble. Where do you think your souls go to? DO you think there are two heavens? One for super holy pious people, so aloof, so detached from the reality of this world, and then one more where all the dirty, poor and less-privileged must go to? Please. If you can’t deal with people like us here on earth, then you might as well go to HELL!

  ‘So you’re telling me...you didn’t just tell me all those stories so that I’ll sympathize with you and give you some change so that you can buy paraffin or wine or whatever it is you buy to keep you warm.

  ‘Money? Money! Ga! I don’t want your money. I want respect. Respect I deserve.’

  ‘Fine, here’s a R5. Go buy something decent and respectful with it.’

*They shake hands. And the bergie disappears around the corner*

  ‘That was a nice bit of philanthropy, even if I must say so myself, now...to get back to work, how long do I have le. . .what! Where’s my. . .

. . .

that greasy mother fucker!

This photo was taken at 08:32 on the 17th of November 2008. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, this on spoke 1133 words.



© Spenelo 2012

BONUS! 

I happened to make a mock trailer for what this would look like if it were to be a movie, with the help of my friend Ryan Jonathan. See the clip underneath for the drama and a very hairy Spenelo!


Monday, 23 July 2012

VIDEO: Sheep Attack

Yup, this should happen more often, I hate it when kids/people take innocent animals for a fool or try to tease/hurt them, so when something like this happens, it's usually worth a lol! :D




Friday, 20 July 2012

VIDEO: Pronunciation Fail

I saw this video a while back already, but there were other things to share, but when I watched it I couldn't stop laughing :D

It's a lady teaching English, and she uses the word 'Coke' in this example, she means the beverage, but her pronunciation is so hilariously delivered it sounds like...well, yeah, you'll get it :)

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

VIDEO: Madiba's Life if it were Social Media

So, this has been shared to me via multiple sources, it's a very well done, clever video of Nelson Mandela's life if it were experienced through social media, from the start, to now!

It's very well constructed and just in time for Mandela Day which is celebrated today, 18 July, his birthday!

Happy bday Madeebz, hope you stick around for a while longer :D




Monday, 16 July 2012

ARTICLE: Bald Ideas

We don't like to admit it, but society's pressure on us (on our thoughts, our mannerisms, what we say, what we desire, what we don't like) it's immense. We fear ridicule and embarrassment if we stray away from social norms, we might not admit it, and will claim we do as we please, but deep down, even the most revolutionary and avant-garde individual is affected by society's pressure, yup, even me!

So, where is this coming from and where am I going? Yes, I know I'm known for digressing and going off to topics that have nothing to do with what I'm actually saying, but I'm turning 25 very soon, and, as the youngest of three brothers way older than I am, yes, I'm a late-lamb, have become the FIRST of the four to start going BALD! It started to happen slowly and steadily, but became very prevalent last year. Hence I grew my hair and had a bajillion hairstyles just so I can not see the receding hairline!

Society pressure on us is mad, making balding men feel emasculated and out of place! Telling us that the receeding hairline makes us old, less attractive and stoopid, not all of us can look like Fabio...


oh Fabio!


or Maxwell...


Nearly every SA ad that has an ensemble case in it, has a coloured dude with Maxwell hair in it!


Sigh, anyhoo, I asked myself, where does baldness come from, and can I do anything to prevent it, or reverse it?! And by prevent or reverse, I don't mean Rooney/Kallis it away with implants and stuff!


Magic!

So yeah, baldness, clinically named Alopecia, is mostly caused by genetics, strongly believed to be inherited from the maternal grandfather. (which was shocking to find out because my mom's father WAS BALD!) Wikipedia explains how baldness works as follows:



So as you can see it's all in the genes, so if you have sucky hair genes, like moi, there's nothing much you can do about it! Urgh. What I CAN do is show you some of my favourite awesome people who ARE BALD, but who are still extremely good at what they do and are very successful, albeit, it includes them being super-talented, super fit and ripped, so this post might appeal to the ladies, and I might have to put a no-homo tag on it!

Righto, now, in no particular order, here are my Cool-Dudes-Who-Are-Awesome-And-Bald

Jason Statham


The 44 year-old Englishman has become the face of ruggedness and bad-assery and has been kicking butts and killing baddies on screen since the early 2000s and has given the balding-head+rugged stubble look new vigour and street-cred (obviously accompanied with muscles and a slick Brit accent). Him, along with Keanu Reeves make up my two-fave actors and thanks to him, I don't mind going bald THAT much anymore. I just have to work off my paunch and replace it with abs of steel and fists of fury *kapow!*


BOOM! The man is gebou!


Statham once had hair for this role in Revolver, but he just looks bland! Bald s better!


LL Cool J


The 44-year-old James Todd Smith, the silky-smooth rapper, has been making females swoon since the 80s with his eloquent syllable play, and more recently acting. I don't remember seeing LL with hair because his either wearing a cap, or he's bald, which leads me to believe, that he's bald or balding! Which counts! Kudos to him because his career hasn't always been the most relevant rap-wise, but he's managed to stay relevant in acting and has kept his fitness very high, which is a dmirable for a dude in his mid-forties! His grind is something to look up to!


Old school!



Demmit! The man is ripped!!

Andres Iniesta


The youngest of the lot at 28, has been slowly getting his bles over the last few years, and it is starting to show badly now, but funnily enough, it is also coinciding with his best form of his life, having one of his best season, and continuing to be a very important part of the Spanish and Barcelona teams, and although, many times overshadowed by Xavi 'Droopy Eyes' Hernandez, I think he, Iniesta, is a strong contender to win the Ballon d'Or this year, even though I think either CR7 or Lionel 'Ek Vriet Lays' Messi will probably take it! Anyhoo, he shows the old axiom that hair, or lack there of, cannot dampen your ability when it's coupled with passion and drive!


Large Forehead is large!


MIniesta :D

Jamie Foxx



Easily one of my biggest idols as an entertainer, Eric Marlon Bishop, or as we know him, Jamie Foxx, has been doing his thing since In Living Colour days already! He is one of the only people who can warrant having all the tags 'Singer-Songwriter-Actor- Comedian'. Because he can sing and write songs VERY WELL, he can act, VERY WELL, and he is VERY FUNNY! If you read up on Mr Foxx, you'll see that his journey was not always easy, but he made it through and this is what makes him great!


Super neat trim is super neat!

Die man is gerip

He always had a well trimmed hairline, but it seems that hair is starting to wane away now and he is keeping it clean and keeping it bald, inspiration for us bleskoppe :D

Pepe Reina


Yes, another footballer, he currently plays for my favourite team, Liverpool, and he is one of the best Goalkeepers in the world currently, although he had a season to forget last season! He is now 29 (and shares my bday!)and has probably been bald since his early 20s, but he didn't let that stand in his way to be successful season in, season out, winning the Golden Glove for many a season (keeping the most clean sheets in the league) and winning some great trophies with LFC.


With hair, no hair!



Young Reina!

So yeah, there are MANY MORE bald/balding artists/sportsmen/actors/normal guys that are very successful out there, not letting their hair-loss hold them back, focusing on what matters most! I can give you the same advice I give people who go on about straightness/coarseness of hair (it's a coloured thing), It's not what's ON your head, it's what's INSIDE your head! So you better use them brains! :)

I have given up on Kallis-ing my hair, and embraced my inner Balrog!


PUNCH PUNCH! :D


Friday, 13 July 2012

VIDEO: Giemba Dog

RA has hit 60000 hits! :D In celebration I will share a random video that has no relevance to the announcement I just made!! :D

It's a video of a doggeh, in a car, trying to eat all the cars that the car passes!! 


Thursday, 12 July 2012

VIDEO: Base Jump Fail

This is why I won't do something like this anytime soon! This guy is so lucky that he had thick snow to break his fall!!!!!

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

VIDEO: Share It Maybe

Hahahaha, yup, it's another Call Me Maybe cover, this time it's the COOKIE MONSTER! Asking the cookie dude to share it maybe :D I rofl'd! :D


Tuesday, 10 July 2012

VIDEO: Shatner in Dial Direct ad

I always wonder when American stars are used in SA ads, was it the SA company that forked out lots of rands? Or is it the American star that is desperate for work?! Haha, I'll go with my first option!

William Shatner appears in Dial Directs' new ad, it's worth many a laugh!


Monday, 9 July 2012

VIDEO: Convo with 12 y.o. self

This video is a really cool idea, this guy was very clever to think about it when he was 12!

He filmed himself when he was 12, having a conversation with his older self, and now he merged all of it together! I think it's very well done and makes for a very interesting clip!


Friday, 6 July 2012

SITE: Scale of Universe

So, this is something different. Shared via my buddy Grant, this is a specialized website, that lets you see exactly the scale of the Universe. How small we are in comparison to the galaxies, but how large we are to things on a sub-atomic level. It's very zen. Even the music makes me meditate and think about deep things like the cosmos and eternity. Made by Primax Studio (who are in no way related to Frimax chips) it takes a while to load, depending on your connection, but when it does, it's pretty mind-blasting!!

Click on the image to go to the site.


Wednesday, 4 July 2012

VIDEO: Yo-Yo awesomeness

Every now and then a video comes along along the lines of WTFAWESOMEWOW, this is one of those videos.

It's a creative video taking yo-yo-ing viewing to the next level. It's really well shot/performed/edited/cut and is quite trippy :D

Enjoy

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

VIDEO: Marching Slinky

I've actually wanted a slinky for quite a while now, just because, you know, they're cool! And this slinky is hands-down the coolest! Just look at it marching to this epic soundtrack :D

Monday, 2 July 2012

VIDEO: Manslator

Hey guys, I'm back! :D After a week long hiatus, I'm back bringing you the random :D

Today's vid, something most guys need; a translator to understand what on earth women mean when they say stuff! :D

Enjoy