Wednesday, 22 May 2013

GUESTBLOGGER: Guys, Quit Blaming the Friend Zone by @Reesiebabygirl

Our third guest blogger is none other than the awesome @Reesiebabygirl! If you're not following her yet, be sure to, or read her POSTS HERE


When Spenelo asked me to contribute with something absolutely random, I must admit, I was in two minds. The thing is, I love writing but this was like being given an unlimited budget to shop till I drop. After having a good “9 day think”, I have decided to put to rest this dreaded friend zone you’ve all been crying about. These days, EVERY ONE wants to brag about being in the friend zone, hoping someone will take pity on them. BS!

First and foremost, each one of us has some kind of a check list stored into their mind, which includes the criteria that a person must meet in order for making a move. If a person didn't match some of the items in this list then s/he becomes disqualified to be a potential partner and you will think of him/her as a friend.
 The items in your check list are of course unique and specific to you depending on your background, values, past experiences and beliefs.

For example, if I had to make a list of my potential partner whom I would consider for a long term relationship and my list included the following items, come hell or high water, if you had one of these items missing, I would only see you as either a friend... or a stranger with benefits. Please note, this list is not MY list. I just made it up.
  • One: He must have a degree.
  • Two: He must have dark hair.
  • Three: He must be able to take control of situations.
If I happened to meet a wonderful guy who had everything I needed except, he didn’t graduate, then most likely, I wouldn’t fall in love with him. Said guy would then want to automatically friend zone himself. Nee broer, kom uit daar.

Guys want to use the friend zone as some poor excuse as to why they didn’t get laid.

Friend: “So did you tap that?”
Guy: “nah bra, she friend zoned me”

Meanwhile back at the ranch, she just really did not want to sleep with you. And yes, I know, rejection sucks. It hurts and it’s crappy when someone you like, want to have a relationship with, want to have sex with, etc. doesn’t return that interest. However, no one is obligated to be interested in you or want those things with you. Since when do we pay for friendship? While sex may very well be a human need, it is not something anyone has a right to and thus we are not “owed” it.

Thing is, to some degree, the assumption every guy who claims to be “friendzoned” is that if they indicate an interest in one of their friends, she is in some way obligated to return the interest (and reward it) with a relationship or sex. This assumption is problematic for a whole host of reasons but most in that it ignores choice. Everyone has the right to say “Yes” or “No” to someone’s romantic or sexual interest. There is no obligation to return interest and if a person rejects you, it does not make them an awful person. Especially when that person is your friend. As a brilliant person on the Internet wrote, “Friend zoning is bullshit because girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.”

So my thing is this, dear Mr. Nice Guy: time to man up! If she isn’t romantically interested in you, then move on. Stop crying yourself to sleep at night. Yes, she is involved with some asshole and it hurts you to see her...uhm...hurting. But that’s her prerogative isn’t it? You go on and be fabulous. If you made the move, she rejected you, then so be it. You just don’t meet her requirements. It is not a train smash. Quit blaming her and quit blaming the damn friend zone. Because I don’t remember when the friend zone became the new “cool” club. Trust me, it’s not. It’s like saying you’re broke.

Reesie :)


haha, lekka post by @Reesiebabygirl here, I reluctantly agree with the general consensus of her piece, as I was formally a boy who cried friendzone, but I grew a pair in the mean time so I can laugh with now :D Be sure to follow her and check out her POSTS HERE

Keep an eye out for some more #RAguestBLOGS in the future from some other peeps :)

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